ROBOT Hello Kitty

During my last trip to Japan, I had the unfortunate luck of trying to find a hotel room in Osaka during a holiday weekend. When I did finally find a place, it was totally inconvenient to where I wanted to be and cost a whole lot more than I wanted to pay.  It was in a business hotel and - since business hotels are mainly for businessmen - my room was tiny, sparse and reeked of smoke, desperation and briefcases.

As I sat on the scale model of a single bed and lamented my current situation, I flipped through the information packet showing local attractions as well as how to escape a fire, earthquake or Godzilla attack.

That's when I found the following piece of paper:

That’s right. It’s an advertisement for a "Hello Kitty" robot.

A $3500 "Hello Kitty" robot.

For sale in a business hotel. For men.

Suddenly, this expensive little detour started to seem worth it.

I flipped the brochure over:

As you can see, Robo Kitty-chan can use her twin video camera/laser beam eyes to function in a variety of everyday situations. I’ll do my best to translate but my Japanese is a little rusty so bear with me:

“You call that a salute?? Bow before me, mortal!”
“All hail Hello Kitty Overlord!”

“I made you some tea, Robo Kitty-chan.”

“For this, you shall die.”

“Not enough PINK in this room! You have earned my wrath.”
“Forgive me, Robo Kitty-chan. Forgivvvve…”

“Uh-oh, Robo Hello Kitty looks hun-gry…”

“Indeed! Which of your children shall I eat to-day? La la la!”

Awesome.

My three favorite things: robots, pointless Japanese pop-culture and desperately lonely old people.